The SixBillion Wulong man
by Jonn Wood
Summary: The planet: Gunsmoke. The ship: the Bebop. The bounty: one deadly and unpredictable man in a red coat. And, possibly, a crazy little girl in combat boots. FireflyTrigunCowboy Bebop.


Malcolm Reynolds suited up.

First on were his pants. Khaki, leftover from the War. Mite tight around the crotch, but they fit him well.

Next was his shirt. He wanted to look good for today, so he chose his favourite, a deep red that always made him think of-

He stopped himself. No point in that.

Suspenders, socks(hole in left toe), boots(needed polishing), and then he picked up his gunbelt and girded himself. Polished leather, and the two autos that had been his fathers. He sighted along the barrels for a second before slipping each of them into the holster.

And, finally, his coat.

His mother had made it for him, and he had carried it through hell and damnation and back. It was as much a part of him as his right leg, as the ship he was flying in.

Well, landing in, he told himself, bobbing slightly as the gravity drive fought the planet's gravity well. He climbed the ladder and headed toward the cockpit.

"Tra-"

"I'll take that," said the captain, plucking the intercom out of Hoban Washburne's hand. "Ladies, gentlemen, crazy little girls, we are now entering atmo around Gunsmoke."

"Silly name for a planet, don't y'think?" said the pilot. He ran a hand through his short blonde hair. "Whatever happened to good ol' fashioned names, like 'Styx' or 'Elysium'?"

"Since this is a previously undiscovered planet, ain't hardly no Feds to come pokin' around. Perfect oppurtunity to do a little...positioning."

In the medical bay, River Tam stared at a blank patch of wall. "Spears," she muttered. "Lances, javelins, hurled through space to hit invisible targets. Some miss and land in the sand. One falls short. They find the lost ones and hold them..."

"Did you say something?" said her brother Simon as he slid a needle into her arm. She smiled.

"I love you too."

"Shepherd, Doc," said Mal, as Wash flipped three switches on the overhead console. "You head to the church most needin' of some of our Ariel stash."

Down in the cargo bay, Derrial Book nodded.

"Jayne and I are going to the most disrespectable bar we can find," Mal said grimly. "Make some new friends."

From where he was weight-lifting, Jayne Cobb grunted out a stream of joyful expletives.

"Ai ya! I get to have a gorram _drink_!" Book frowned down at him. "Oh. Sorry Sheperd."

"Y'know, one of these days I won't be here to spot you."

"Everyone else, as you see fit. Just...try to keep your heads down." Click. Pause. Click. "Please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in the upright and locked position."

"What's a seat back?" said Kaywinnit Frye, ships engineer.

"It's an old joke from Earth-that was." explained Inara Serra. "Back when they-never mind. Zoe, got any threes?"

"Go fish," said Zoe Washburne, first mate. The light coming through the skylight shifted slightly as her husband made an attitude correction, throwing light across the three women's faces. "What do you plan on doing down there?"

"Or who?" Kaylee giggled.

"I have a client in the next town over who wants a date," said the companion. '_Just_ a date. I think he wants to sample the goods. I'll be leaving as soon as we break atmo. _Et tu_?"

"Eat _what_?"

"It's Latin," Zoe explained. "Me and Wash are going to check into the cheapest hotel we can find."

"And then what?" asked the scandalized engineer.

"Family planning," said Zoe, with the smile of a woman who knows they're getting a lot of sex in their immediate future. "Any plans with the good Doctor?"

Kaylee's smile faded. "No." She glanced down at her hand. "N-Not really."

Inara and Zoe exchanged a Look.

"Don't take it personally, sweetie," said Zoe gently. "He probably spoke without thinking."

"Like most men," said Inara drily.

Below them, River giggled.

"What's so funny?" said Simon.

"You."

* * *

Their first taste of Gunsmoke was hot and sandy. 

"Dry out there," said Mal.

"Mmm," said Zoe.

"Reminds me of that planet where I bought this ship," said Mal.

"Mmm."

"There's a hole in the seat of your pants."

"Mmm," said Zoe, and left with her husband. Mal watched them go with a funny look on his face, until Jayne clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Ready to go, drinkin' buddy?"

"Please don't call me that."

"I hope we can find a decent meal. Only so much protein a body can take!"

"That's…technically correct." Mal said, as he watched Tam and Book head off in one direction, and Kaylee, after a look at them, head in another.

"I mean, no offense to Zoe's cookin'..."

"I'm pretty sure that that's impossible." He did some quick math. Inara had left already, so that meant...

"Nice day," said River at his elbow.

After his heart resumed normal speed, Mal let out a stream of cursewords in three different languages. Jayne was still gasping. "Gorramit, girl! One of these days you're gonna kill a man!"

"Simon said you'd take care of me," River said, twirling Kaylee's parsol. She also had on a giant pair of goggles, and her usual combat boots.

"Won't you be hot in those?"

"Won't you be hot in that coat?" she retorted.

Touche.

"Alright, let's go." he said. "You make any trouble, and I'll have you eat Zoe's cooking for a week, _dong ma_?"

"Yes sir," she said in a passable imitation of his first mate.

"Aw, come on, Cap'n? Can't we leave her locked in the galley or somethin'?"

"I figure keeping her under watch is better than having her wandering around the ship. Alone. With nothing and no one to stop her from gettin' at those guns you keep under that blanket..."

"Needs washing, by the way," supplied River helpfully.

"Oh. Let's go."

* * *

The hotel was, as promised, cheap and dirty. The wallpaper alone could blind an unwary man. 

"Wanna hit the bar?" said Wash, peering into the adjoining room, "I haven't lost any braincells in a long time."

"I want you wide awake," Zoe said. "For what I'm about to do to you."

A man in a jumpsuit with cutoff sleeves walked into view and thrust a photo at the bartender.

"Ahem."

They looked up.

"Would you like to check in now?" said the clerk.

* * *

Kaylee, meanwhile, was getting herself drunk. 

'Men,' she said to her glass.

'Men,' a dark-haired woman on the next barstool agreed. Something in insurance.

'Men,' said her tall friend on the other side.

The bar was filled with a seething silence.

* * *

'Men,' said Faye Valentine. If she wouldn't have hurt her feet, she would've kicked the tires. She gave a listless kick to the near gun tube instead, and sat down on a nearby rock. 

"Hello?" she said into her radio. "Spike? Jet? Anybody?"

"Hel_lo_, Faye-Faye!"

Oh, _yay_.

"Hi, Ed." She shifted around; hot pants, despite the name, were not made for sitting on hot rocks. "Are Spike and Jet there? I need you to put them on."

"Black Dog and Ronin went hunting," said a different voice. Older, more dreamy.

"Who is this?"

"Someone who plays chess."

Huh?

"I have a friend I can redirect to your location. You should see her in a few minutes."

Faye waited until she could wait no more, and asked "where is your friend now?"

"Look up."

It was a shuttle from an older class of transport. Faye closed her eyes against the dust, and opened them when she heard the hatch clank open.

The woman standing there was wearing red. No, it seemed to Faye that, she _was_ the color, so that anything else she put on would instantly shift into the color of passion, of pride, of blood.

The woman tilted her head.

'Miss Valentine, I presume,' said Inara Serra.

* * *

They were just leaving the church when they bumped into a man with a cross to bear. 

It wasn't anyone's fault, really. Book had pushed open the door, and was looking back to see where Simon was. Simon was looking back to say goodbye. The slim man coming in was carrying a large cross.

As Wash later remarked, it sounded like the start of a bad joke.

Book was the first to get up. He shook his head to clear it, and leaned on the doorway for a second. The other young man was just pushing himself up, so the Shepherd picked up the cross.

'Whoof,' he said. 'That's _heavy_.'

'Name's Wolfwood,' said the young man, brushing off his suit. 'Nicholas D. Wolfwood. And that's 'cause it's full of mercy,'

'Shepherd Derrial Book," said Shepherd Derrial Book, hefting the package thoughtfully. "And no, No, I don't think so."

Wolfwood gave him a Look, and helped Simon up.

* * *

You could cut the silence with a sword. 

'Nice shuttle,' ventured Valentine.

'Thank you,' said Inara. "I don't just pick up anyone, you know, you're special." The girl had her arms and legs drawn up like she was in her grandmother's parlour and had been told, on pain of death, not to touch _anything_.

"You don't even know who I _am_."

Inara had coincidentally focused her attention on a nearby display and didn't respond.

The silence deepened.

'So, what do you do for a living?' said Velentine desperately, watching Inara's slim hand as she-no. Don't.

'I'm a Companion,' said Inara. 'Are you in a...similar line of work?'

Oh no.

No no no.

Ever since that incident on Callisto with the lounge singer, Faye had found herself skittish about entanglements, of either gender. Not that she liked girls, as far as she knew, but she still found herself blushing as she hastened to correct the older woman. "I-I'm a bounty hunter."

A more perceptive Faye might've noticed the slight arching of Inara's back, the merest intake of breath. Faye did notice the former, but was entranced by the way the cloth fell across the shoulder just right, and the later was lost in the sound of her own blood beating in her ears.

'I said, how's business?'

Faye took a deep breath. 'Slow.' She looked at the draperies, out the window, at anything but Inara. 'My colleagues and I came here to find some guy worth sixty billion double-dollars.'

'What's that in creds?'

'What?'

'Once, a captain I know made a delivery, and the only money he got, after the exchange rates were worked out, was barely enough to pay for our lunches. Good cornbread, though. Good cornbread.'

Faye felt suddenly inadequate in her yellow outfit and outsize shirt. Like a little girl wearing Mommy's clothes.

'Do you have anything cold to drink?'

* * *

"No sharp corners." 

"What?" said Ed.

"She cloaks the edges and corners in softness. To hide the works. But they're always there, no matter how much scarlet and gold they're swathed in she deals in lies and and affectations and manners all for something that is very, very basic, that cannot be made, cannot be forced-"

"Ri-_ver! _ What are you _talking_ about?"

"Love." River took a deep breath, and the world slowed down. "Knight C2 to E3.

* * *

Elsewhere, Jayne had just challenged a man in a red coat to a donut-eating contest. 


End file.
